If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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