smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The adults are the big ones right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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