I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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