All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
