Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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