her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize