Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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