I feel great
I just peed on a car
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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