If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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