i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
