Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
