Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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