just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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