I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
