i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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