So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
