Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
