He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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