im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
