Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
