Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Farmville is her only friend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
