Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
