AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
