We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
