She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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