You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize