so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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