He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
