Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize