I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize