we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
