What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why do cheetos always look like penises
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is my gift to your gina
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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