Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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