Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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