im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
