so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
