dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
