I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
