I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
