Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
