No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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