Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
