Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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