you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
