We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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