If i come over, it means nothing
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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