call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
