Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
