I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
