I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize