How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
