I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
