His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this boner is exhausting
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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