she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I love you.
Bad choice
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize