just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
