Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
