My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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