I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
