Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
