and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
