I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize