Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
