Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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