he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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