You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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