he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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