I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
