I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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