I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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