the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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