tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
