My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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