I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize