he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
