then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
