CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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