I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
