I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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