i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
