I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
