The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize