I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
