It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
