my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
