Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
