Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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