I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
