After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
