so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
