Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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