it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
