I need help removing her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
