Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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