Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
