A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
