That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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