yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The ass gains better be worth it
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