God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
