you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
