Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
