she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
