I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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