Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
