i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
