I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
