So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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