yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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