I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
