I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
