She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
