Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
