yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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