He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
