Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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