im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
